A Walk In Heaven (Volume 1) (The Grayson Brothers) Page 9

  His brothers hurried over, and Joshua made the introductions to the new woman in town. As Joshua expected, his younger siblings turned into the charming men not usually seen by the family. Both Laura and Miss Jones giggled like schoolgirls from his brother’s flirtations.

  “And let me introduce you to Matthew’s bride…uh, widow,” Joshua quickly corrected.

  Laura’s eyes widened, as her eyes did a quick sweep of Careen from the top of her hair to her shoes. “I had heard Matthew married, but I thought that was just gossip.”

  Careen passed the other woman a forced smile. “No, Miss Checketts,” Careen drawled in her southern accent, “I really married Matthew.”

  Laura frowned and clutched Careen’s hands. “Oh, forgive me for saying that. I didn’t mean it rude in any way. And please accept my condolences. Matthew was such a dear friend.” Tears gathered in Laura’s eyes. “He will surely be missed.”

  “Thank you.”

  Joshua’s mother hooked her arm with Careen’s. “I believe we should find our seats. The service will begin shortly.”

  Careen nodded to the other two women. “It was nice meeting y’all.”

  After everyone took their seats, Joshua tried to concentrate on the sermon, but could feel Careen’s gaze upon him from time to time. She sat on the same pew right next to Frances. When Joshua draped his arm around his daughter’s shoulder, his fingers brushed Careen’s dress, so he quickly withdrew. Every time she sang, it sounded like angels, and when she shifted in her seat, her heavenly scent of roses enveloped his scenes. Hopefully, nothing important was talked about in the sermon because he certainly wouldn’t remember a thing.

  Then again, lately he hadn’t really been listening to the sermons anyway since everything had been mixed up in his head. Was what the pastor preached really the truth?

  Relief swept over him when the meeting ended, but then irritation began to build the longer the available men in the congregation came up for introductions. Even Pastor Adams – who happened to be unmarried – welcomed Careen into the fold with more enthusiasm than Joshua figured the man of God should have. Especially when the pastor didn’t act like that with Miss Jones.

  The more men that came up for introductions, the more eager Joshua was to leave. He had no reason to stay and watch this spectacle, yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk away. What bothered him more was seeing how much Careen enjoyed the attention. Of course, she enjoyed it – she was still a young woman who needed a man.

  At long last, his parents pushed the family out the door and to the wagon. Joshua kissed his daughter’s cheeks before mounting his horse and riding for home. The further away from the church he rode, he breathed a sigh of relief. Since the death of his wife, going to church had been torture. He continued to go to church, but deep in his gut, he couldn’t stop thinking his wife was rotting in hell for taking her own life. Sermons he’d heard before made him believe that God would not forgive those who chose to take their own life. If Emma were indeed mentally insane, it was a disease – not a choice – wouldn’t God understand? Yet the more questions he had, the more times the pastor’s words discouraged Joshua.

  Fear of his daughters inheriting his wife’s disease worried him. He’d never forgive the Lord if that happened.

  When he reached the house, he jumped off his horse and ran upstairs to change clothes. Although Sunday was a day of rest, there were still chores that needed to be done around the ranch. It didn’t matter if the ranch hands could do it, Joshua needed an excuse to get as far away from Careen as possible.

  He mounted his horse and rode hard and fast. He couldn’t think straight, and he wished it’d go away. I am not attracted to my sister-in-law! Matthew would certainly be turning over in his grave if he knew Joshua even harbored these feelings. So, to make things right in his mind, he would not let his attraction go any further than the other night on the porch when she looked so pretty. And she did. Her hair flowed around her shoulders in waves, her eyes sparkled like the sun touching the lake in the morning…

  As quickly as they entered, he pushed out the indecent thoughts. He decided here and now he would not think of her that way again!

  Out of the corner of his eyes, the fence bordering their property caught his attention. He slowed his horse and trotted closer. The boards had come loose, and a huge gap opened the side. He jumped off the animal and walked to the fence for a thorough inspection. The nails used to hold the board together had been removed, and they weren’t rusted. Someone did this on purpose.

  Groaning, he took off his hat and swiped his gloved fingers through his hair. How long had the fence been this way? Hopefully no cows had wandered off. Joshua remounted and galloped back to the main house to find his brothers and father.

  His father was outside the house still in his church clothes when Joshua spotted him. “Pa,” he called, stopping his horse. “One of the fences needs fixing down by the southwest corner of the property. I’ll do the repairs, but I think Peter or Gage should ride out to see if any cows have strayed.”

  William’s dark brown eyebrows creased. “Is the hole that big?”

  “Yes, and…” Joshua took a deep breath. “It’s been tampered with. I think we need to get the sheriff involved.”

  The older man crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you certain?”

  “Very.”

  “I think you’re right. It’s been years since anyone has tried to cut our fences, and if we can put a stop to it now, then it won’t get worse.”

  Joshua nodded. “I couldn’t agree more. I’ll take the wagon out with the supplies and work on that today.”

  “Thank you, son. I’ll have Peter ride out to check if any cows got away.”

  Joshua took his horse into the stable and quickly harnessed two horses to the wagon before loading it. He tried not to peek toward the house in hopes of catching a glimpse of Careen, but his will wasn’t strong enough, and he couldn’t stop himself. She walked out of the house and onto the porch carrying a glass of lemonade. Both she and his mother wore different black dresses than they’d had on for church. But landsakes, Careen was pretty – too pretty to be a widow.

  He quickly turned back to the wagon and finished loading the tools needed to fix the fence. His father ambled to the wagon and peeked in the bed. The older man didn’t say anything, just continued to stare.

  “Is there something wrong?” Joshua asked.

  His father sighed deeply and met Joshua’s eyes. “Today during church, I thought about sending a letter to the sheriff in Pierre.”

  Joshua froze. That’s where Matthew had died. Joshua wondered what worried his father so. The frown on the older man’s face bespoke a great sadness. “Why?”

  “I want to know if the sheriff is going to put those two drunken lowlifes away for killing my son.” His voice choked. “I wanted to talk to Careen about the matter, but Ma told me no. Apparently, she tried to talk with Careen about this, and the poor girl is still very distraught.” William shrugged. “I can’t stand by without justice being served. So sometime this week, I’ll write a letter to the sheriff.”

  Emotion formed a knot in Joshua’s throat. “Pa, let me write the letter. You have enough to worry about.”

  “You don’t mind sending the letter?”

  “Not at all. Maybe the lawman would shed some light on this for us.”

  “I hope so.”

  William walked to Joshua and wrapped his arms around him. Joshua hugged his father as unshed tears stung his eyes. When his father stepped back, he wiped away his own tears.

  “It’s been hard on us all – hard to accept the fact that our Matthew is dead. I think knowing the truth will make things better, as well as the graveside service we’ll have tomorrow. This will help bring peace to our family as well as closure.”

  “It will, Pa.”

  Joshua composed himself as his father left. Then he took a deep breath and prayed he could be strong during all of this. He climbed on the wagon and took the rei
ns, urging the team forward. He glanced at the house one more time but didn’t see Careen. Although his hopes dropped, he knew it was best not to think of her.

  As he drove toward the broken fence, his gut twisted. Why did he still hold inappropriate feelings toward his sister-in-law? And if Careen decided to stay with them as his Ma wanted, he worried those feelings would become worse. He just couldn’t stop thinking – if Matthew hadn’t met Miss Careen Kennedy, he would still be alive today.

  It took Joshua several hours to mend the fence, and thankfully, Peter reported no cows had escaped. Once Joshua was done, weariness took over his body and his mind. If not for wanting to see his daughters, he’d have dinner in his room tonight.

  Driving the wagon toward the house, he spotted a crowd by the big oak. His twins stood beside Careen, each holding a rope. Several feet in front of them stood the wooden calf he’d built for them last year. He bit back a grin as his daughters showed their aunt how to lasso a calf. At four-years-old, the twins were already quite skilled with a rope, and Joshua knew they’d make fine ranchers when they grew older.

  Standing nearby were Gage and Peter, each trying their hand at showing their sister-in-law how to lasso. As Joshua passed, Jessica and Frances called out and waved, which he returned. Careen’s gaze met his for only a brief moment before returning to Peter who stood beside her.

  It was hard not to notice Careen’s loveliness as the sun began its decent in the horizon. The black dress she and his mother had made formed quite nicely to her petite shape. Wavy brown hair was wound in a tight bun in the back of her head, and he wished she kept it long and flowing like she had that night on the porch.

  Shaking the improper thoughts away, Joshua drove the wagon into the stable, and a few stable hands came to help, so he let them take over. He sauntered toward the group on the lawn, not really wanting to help with Careen’s lessons, but needing to give his daughters a hug, which always brightened his day.

  Peter stepped closer to Careen, slipping his arm around her waist. Joshua fisted his hands by his side and gritted his teeth. He wished jealousy’s fangs wouldn’t bite into him like they did, because all he could think about was marching to his brother and yanking him away from Careen. Thankfully, she stepped out of Peter’s reach by herself.

  “Papa!” Frances ran to him first and hugged his leg. “Look, Papa. Careen is ropin’.”

  He smiled and cupped Frances’ cherub face. “Yes, she is, darling. Did you and Jessica teach her?”

  “Yessir.” She grinned wide.

  “All right, Careen,” Peter was saying. “Give it another try now.”

  Careen faced the wooden calf, swinging her rope. Right away Joshua could see her legs weren’t positioned correctly and her wrist wasn’t moving the right way. Leave it to his brother to forget little details like that.

  Careen let the rope fly, and missed her target.

  “Papa,” Frances tugged on his jeans. “You teach her.”

  “Oh, I don’t think—” he began, but then Jessica hugged his other leg.

  “Please, Papa. You do it good.”

  How could he turn down the request of his darling girls with their pleading blue eyes? “Oh, all right.”

  The twins cheered as Peter shot him a scowl and stomped toward the house. Careen fidgeted and pretended to study the rope, but Joshua could see how nervous she suddenly became. He, too, felt a little uneasy and the palms of his hands moistened. She raised her eyes and gave him a weak smile.

  “The first thing you need to do,” Joshua told Careen as he took the rope from his daughter, “is to place your legs just so.”

  Careen watched closely and copied his stance.

  “Now, coil up the lariat with your left hand and take the coils in the left hand as well.”

  She took her own rope and copied how he held it.

  “Place the coils between your thumb and finger so it will smoothly run from your hand.”

  Nodding, she did as instructed.

  “Now start swinging the rope and raise it above your head.” He showed her, and she tried to mimic the way he did it, but failed miserably. “No, Careen, you’re swinging it wrong.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I think I can assume that myself since this is not working.”

  “Swing the noose in a right-to-left motion.” After another attempt, he shook his head. “You’re still not doing it right.” He dropped his rope and stepped behind her, taking her right hand in his. “Like this. Swing it smoothly.”

  He placed his left hand on her shoulder, and immediately she stiffened, but at least she didn’t pull away from him like she had Peter. Joshua shouldn’t think too much of it, but blast it all, he was rather excited to think she allowed his touch.

  “There you go, you’re getting it now,” he said softly.

  The longer he stood so near, the longer her body relaxed. Along with it, her wrist began moving in the right motion. She might actually hit her target after all.

  “Now, when you feel ready,” he continued, “keep your eye on the calf and let the rope fly.”

  She glanced at him over her shoulder as he talked. Her eyes dropped to his mouth before she quickly removed her gaze. His heart jumped to his throat and stayed.

  Finally, she let the rope go and it came very near the wooden calf. Cheers went up from his daughters, and words of encouragement from Gage, but Joshua couldn’t concentrate on anything but Careen. She pulled in the rope and tried again. He moved his right hand back to hers and assisted as she swung the rope over her head.

  The strong scent of roses enveloped him, making him want to close his eyes, move his nose closer to her neck and inhale deeply. He fought the overwhelming urge the best he could. Words came from his mouth, whispered only to her, but he didn’t know what he said. She glanced over her shoulder again and nodded at his instructions. Once again, her gaze dropped to his mouth, and his heart slammed against his ribs.

  Slowly she shifted, and he realized his left hand rested on her waist instead of her shoulder. When had he moved it? But more importantly, why had she allowed it?

  “Try it again, Careen,” he said in a voice too deep to be his own.

  Nodding, she turned her attention toward the wooden calf and let the rope fly. This time the lasso ringed the calf.

  Shouts of excitement rang through the air. She jumped up and down with giddiness then whirled and wrapped her arms around Joshua’s shoulders. He couldn’t stop from sliding his palms around her waist and pulling her closer. Suddenly, her sigh whispered against his ear, and his heartbeat pounded. He swallowed hard as he tried to moisten his dry throat.

  His daughters grabbed his legs, and broke the dream-like state Careen had lured him into. Stepping back, he distanced himself from the woman who confused him, wondering what had just happened. He shouldn’t have lost his head like that. Hopefully, he wouldn’t do it again. The feelings he’d just experienced were dangerous. Guilt gnawed at his conscience, which churned his stomach.

  Because of Matthew, Joshua couldn’t think this way about her, he reminded himself, this time hoping he’d stick to his promise. Yet…why did he think he’d break his pledge?

  * * * *

  The bedroom brightened with morning sunlight, bringing Careen awake. She peered toward the window and frowned. Today was Matthew’s burial. Sadness wheedled its way inside her and settled into the pit of her stomach. How could she go through with this?

  She crawled out of bed and dressed. As Betsy helped Careen fix her hair, not a word was spoken between them. Today would be a solemn day to be sure since the family would all be mourning with her at Matthew’s graveside service.

  Not only did guilt over Matthew’s death weigh heavily on her mind, but now she experienced confusing feelings whenever Joshua was around. The night they’d conversed on the porch started it, and yesterday when he’d taught her how to lasso only made things worse. She couldn’t be attracted to Matthew’s brother. She just couldn’t!

  Joshua’s sudden s
weetness had bothered her. When they first met, he’d been moody and rude. Now he treated her completely opposite. When he’d taught her how to lasso, he’d tenderly taken her hand and showed her how to swing the rope. Good grief, he’d held her waist and she’d let him! Then the hug they shared when she finally hit her target. Just thinking about it made butterflies dance in her belly as shivered tingles rose on her arms. Feeling this way was definitely not a good thing.

  She purposely missed breakfast only because she didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want them to wonder what she could be thinking right now, because her thoughts for sure weren’t directed to her deceased husband like they should be. If Mr. and Mrs. Grayson could see through to her soul, they’d kick her out of the house and never let her return.

  Then again, when Careen finally told the Grayson’s the truth, they’d ask her to leave posthaste. She wasn’t anticipating that dreadful day.

  The grandfather clock down the hall chimed ten times. The graveside service was about to begin. She grabbed her white handkerchief and left the bedroom. Elizabeth and the twins waited for her at the end of the stairs – all wearing black gowns. On shaky legs, Careen made it to her mother-in-law’s side. Elizabeth grasped Careen’s hand, and without a word, they walked out the front door.

  On the hillside to the left of the house, Matthew’s brothers and Father stood by some servants holding shovels. By the fresh dirt in piles around the hole in the ground, and the sweat on their brows, they’d been digging for a few hours. Nobody smiled. Not even Joshua’s twin daughters. The servants and ranch hands all stood in a group.

  Other people had gathered for the service. Although she couldn’t remember names, she recognized them from church.

  As Careen neared the grave, a long wooden box lay next to the pile of dirt. Pain clenched her chest as memories from the brief time she’d spent with Matthew came rushing forth. He’d been so handsome, so kind and tender. And the love he had for her shown in his eyes. Yet, she couldn’t quite remember their color. Were they blue like Joshua’s, or hazel like Peter’s?

  The morning of their wedding, she met Matthew for the first time face-to-face. He had been waiting for her at the train station. The minute she stepped off the train, he’d rushed to her side. Weeks before this, she’d been worried about Luther – worried he would follow through with his threat in taking her as his wife and marrying her for her inheritance. She’d thought putting an ad in the newspaper as a mail-order-bride would do the trick since a lot of women were married that way. Matthew would be her salvation, and she finally had a moment of peace in his presence. She finally felt that once and for all, she was free from her obsessive cousin.